GRATITUDE, POSITIVITY AND HOPE

 

Today, the spring sun shines warmly through the window, even as the bitter wind blows. Outside the birds are singing and I am grateful. Grateful for this day, for however many days I have left. It looks so normal, but all around the world it is far from a normal day. It might be beautiful, with few people in work, but this is no holiday. This is a time of vital self-isolation for our own safety against an enemy that is trying to kill us all.

The enemy is the terrible virus known as COVID-19 or Coronavirus, now familiar to all of us. It is a leveller. It pays no attention to your nationality or race, colour, religion, sexuality or gender. It attacks the rich and poor, the good and not so good, the law-abiding and those of a criminal persuasion. You could be young or old, employed or unemployed. No-one is to blame and no-one has any more right to survive than anyone else. The most important thing is that EVERYONE on this planet is vulnerable. We are all afraid and worried, and we should be.

There is no longer any point to the divisions which have existed between us; none of them matter now.  It saddens me that the world has finally recognised that we are all the same. We are all in the same position, all human, all at risk.  But it also gives me hope. Nations are sharing information with each other and striving to develop a test and a vaccine, in unprecedented acts of co-operation. It is a time to put our differences aside, and deal with it the best way we can. I am so sad for those that have been lost and my heart goes out to their families and friends. We that are still here are lucky and we need to appreciate that tomorrow is not promised for any of us. But there are reassurances that many more will survive than not.

This is undeniably a global emergency, as serious as it gets, but it is also an opportunity. Whatever your circumstances, remember to enjoy each and every moment of your lives from now on, whether it be a week, a month or a hundred years. Gratitude leads to a positive frame of mind, which has been scientifically shown to help people overcome illness, as has kindness. Make the most of this time at home, enforced though it may be.  Tell your loved ones that you love them, often. Laugh together and cry together. Slow down and breathe. Read the book that you were saving and never got around to reading, or write one of your own. Binge-watch your favourite TV series or films; eat the cake and bake more, or plant seeds and enjoy music. Play with your children and pets; spend time with your partner and fall in love all over again. In short, do whatever makes you happy. But do it all at home where it is safe for everyone. Home is our safe haven, now more than ever.

If you live alone, know that you are NOT alone. Isolation doesn’t have to mean loneliness. The whole world knows how you feel: we share your hopes and fears. We understand. You can still contact people by phone, or online using Face Time, Skype, Facebook Messenger etc. Ring the Samaritans or other agencies if you need support, but don’t be tempted to visit anyone. We all need to be grateful for what we have, today, in this moment. Try to do that every day from now on, and just take one day at a time. Mindfulness can help, dealing only with what today brings. Meditation is useful too. The world can seem brighter when you realise that, now, in this moment, you are OK.

Last night I stood on my doorstep and clapped to thank the NHS workers for all that they do for us, along with people in my street and others UK-wide. It was show of gratitude, but also to show that, even in the darkest of moments, the people that work through their exhaustion to save our lives are not alone, and neither are we, even though it may feel like we are. I have never spoken to many of my neighbours, as is common these days in a lot of places. Yet all over the UK, friends, family and virtual strangers shared an important moment. Knowing that we are all in this together, it was a meeting of minds and souls with a single purpose. Gratitude. Humanity will survive, long after this, and I hope that the world doesn’t forget this time, this feeling of unity and solidarity that normally only occurs during wartime, although it is as if we are at war, fighting for our very existence. This shared global experience should be our legacy, despite the awful circumstances.

The effects of this pandemic have certainly brought out the best and the worst in people, and that is sure to continue until this crisis is over. But kindness is infectious; pay it forward. If someone does a good deed for you, do something kind for someone else. You will feel better for it, and so will they. I would like to believe that there is still more that is good in this world than bad and I hope that it will remain so, long after the pandemic has gone.

I am apparently one of the most vulnerable, I am immuno-suppressed with weak lungs and several health conditions and I am staying in. I survived pneumonia and sepsis 2 years ago. My all-consuming love for my family, my need to get home to them and their love for me are what pulled me through it. This was coupled with the good wishes of my friends and people I didn’t even know, for which I am also grateful. If I catch this virus I may come home again, or I might not. Fate will decide. We all have 2 choices now, to hope for the best or to give up. It is not in my nature to ever give up and neither should you.  Don’t let this virus beat you. If we become ill, we have to fight it with everything we have. But so that we don’t have to, I beg you to stay indoors for as long as it takes, wash your hands as often as you can and stay hydrated. Please protect yourself and those that you love and urge others to do the same.  Be well, be safe. Today in this moment, I am well, I am grateful and I am hopeful. Tomorrow, the sun will shine, the wind will blow and the birds will sing. I hope and pray that we will all be here to share it.

Alyson Mountjoy – 27th March 2020

 

 

Getting there

I’ve just had an amazing weekend! First of all, on Friday night my first novel was published on Amazon for Kindle, Mother of Marlin. It’s a supernatural horror with magic and mystery, history and romance and is based in a fictional village in Cornwall. It includes many of the weird and wonderful things that have happened in my life through the eyes of a contrived alter ego. It’s Book 1 of The Marlin Chronicles and I already have sequels waiting to be published over the next few months.

As if all that wasn’t exciting enough, having already qualified in Reiki 1st, 2nd and 3rd levels, allowing me to practise as a Usui Reiki Master Practitioner, I have now qualified as a Usui Reiki Master Teacher. Soon I hope to pass on the gift of Usui Reiki to a new generation of students.

These were just a few of the things on my wish list. I have many more projects and plans in the pipeline for his year alone. Slowly and surely, I’m getting there, but I couldn’t have done any of it alone.

I am truly grateful for the opportunities that I’ve been given. For being well enough to enjoy them, and for all the wonderful people in my life who have encouraged me and in some way made my dreams a reality. My husband, children, extended family and friends (old and new, both online and in person), my fellow therapy students, and my wonderful therapy tutor and mentor who I am now proud to consider as a friend. You all know who you are, and I thank each and every one of you!

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, at the right time and in the right place. Everyone goes through bad patches and I’ve had my fair share. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and the view from the top is glorious! So please keep going, even when it seems impossible, particularly when everything goes wrong, the journey is full of obstacles and seems endless. That journey will teach you more than you ever imagined, about yourself, about others and about where you’re going, and why. When people tell you you’ll never get there or you’re wasting your time, just smile and know that you will get your day in the sun too. Long may you shine…

Child Of Nature

In my mind, I am as wild and free as the woods.

I walk in lush, green grass and touch the trees,

With bark so rough and leaves with glossy sheen.

I marvel at the flowers that brightly sway

In the soft, warm breeze of a summer day,

With bees – the keepers of the Earth.

My thoughts take flight on wings of words,

To talk and sing and weave their tapestry

Like butterflies that dance and dart,

As multi-coloured birds begin their tale.

The river runs its course as I look on;

I blink, I am awake, and it is gone.

I rise to face the day, whatever comes

Within the constricts of an adult life;

But in my mind I shall forever be a child at play,

As wild as the woods, forever free.

 

© Alyson Mountjoy 12/11/2016

Behind The Mask

I was listening to ‘The Show Must Go On’ by Queen a few days ago and it reminded me of a conversation I had with a colleague in town recently. He knew I had been ill for some time and remarked that even when I had bad days I never seemed to show it. My reply was “It’s the mask isn’t it?” and he knew exactly what I meant.  It’s the brave face we put on with others, the mask we all wear to hide the pain.

‘Inside my heart is breaking, My make-up may be flaking, But my smile still stays on’.

‘The Show Must Go On’ – by Queen.

The popular belief is that the lyrics refer to the fact that Freddie Mercury was dying – in fact he passed away quite soon after the song was recorded. His last ‘hurrah’, his legacy to a world that still didn’t fully accept him for who he was. Despite his fame, the joy he brought to millions from his incredible lyrics, music and performances, some people will sadly only remember that he was gay and died of AIDS – the first major rock star to do so. The mask he wore covered all the pain he bore – because the show must go on. And it’s the same for all of us.

We use masks for many reasons – to hide our emotions, after all real men don’t cry. Or do they? Personally I feel that the mark of a man is his readiness to show compassion.

Masks also help us to portray different personas to the various people in our lives. Are they different sides of who we are, or just the fragments we choose to show at the time? We often appear to be ‘a different person’ with the people we work with to that which we share with  those closest to us. Maybe too, different faces are shown to our friends as to family, or to people in authority, or people we don’t know well. We let people see just as much as what we want them to see, yet what are we afraid of? Are we so ashamed to be who we are in all situations, so fearful of the judgement of others that we have to wear these masks and juggle them daily?

“One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self and accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else.”  K.L. Toth

There are also those that feel they are not beautiful enough to live in this world as they are – so they seek plastic surgery, wear loads of make-up, or make themselves ill by starving themselves to appease the gods of fashion, creating a new version of themselves as a permanent mask. But what counts is what is on the inside.

“No amount of makeup can mask an ugly heart”. Kevyn Aucoin

For whatever reason, we wear the masks, we choose to hide. But one day, if we’re lucky, we will find that one person with whom we can truly be ourselves, a soul-mate. We no longer have to hide, the mask comes off and the relief is wonderful.

“When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be.” Excerpt from ‘The Bridge Across Forever’ by Richard Bach.

This is part of a reading that I was honoured to give at the civil partnership of my daughter and her wife. Not long ago, the happiest day of my daughter’s life (and certainly one of mine), would never have happened. In some parts of the world is still illegal to be gay or lesbian, even to the point of facing the death penalty. Showing who you love is forbidden,  let alone having any hope of marrying the person that you love. More hiding, more masks. I was lucky enough to find my soulmate – my husband – and now my home is my safe haven, the place where I feel truly free. My family know each other and love each other for who they are and that is how it should be.  My Mum used to say “I am who I am, offend or please!” She was a straight talker, but it was always meant in love, never intending to offend, and that is how I strive to live my life and the way that I have taught my children to be – although I know that it isn’t always that simple.

Today I came across this poem – it was written by Paul Laurence Dunbar and published in 1896, in his first volume of poetry, Lyrics of Lowly Life. The son of slaves, he became one the first influential black poets in American literature despite his short life of just 33 years from 1872-1906. Maya Angelou credits him as inspiring her to be a writer, a line from one of his poems being the title of her autobiography, ‘I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings.’

We Wear the Mask

We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,

In counting all our tears and sighs?

Nay, let them only see us, while

We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries

To thee from tortured souls arise.

We sing, but oh the clay is vile

Beneath our feet, and long the mile;

But let the world dream otherwise,

We wear the mask!

Paul Laurence Dunbar

The mask that he speaks of is worn for a different reason, but born of a similar cause – the mask of dignity that people show who bear discrimination in silence, so that the world cannot see the hurt it causes, the bitter tears that fall behind closed doors – or the ‘torn and bleeding hearts’.  It saddens me that over a century later, discrimination still exists in our world. I met a dear friend for coffee a last week and later it struck me that not too long ago and not too far away, we would not have been allowed to be friends simply because we don’t share the same religion. The same attitude was responsible for the holocaust and many other atrocities the world over, where the faith a man holds or the colour of his skin is more important than what is in his heart. The reciprocal happiness and support that has come from the friendship we share would have been denied to both of us; in another time and place, our priceless bond would have never been born. We are lucky, but for others, this madness continues today.

Anther mask worn is that to cover illness and disability. There are many invisible disabilities, which people who don’t have them, even know about.  There are also those that are intermittent or managed by medication until there is a flare-up of symptoms.  Like my situation at the top of the page, I know all too well the mask that hides a chronic illness. People say “You look so well!” when actually I’m living on 21 pills a day, dying for a nap, watching the clock till my next pain medication is due and wondering if I can make it home up our steep hill before my knees give out, on the ten minute walk that takes me twenty-five (with 4 stops on the way).  Often medication can make you look well when inside you aren’t. It’s a bit like wearing a wig when you have chemotherapy. You can’t judge people by appearances and you shouldn’t really judge them at all.  You don’t know what’s going on in someone’s life, what they hide behind the mask – what they have to deal with. Only by asking can you know what’s going on – if they want you to know, they will tell you. If you know someone has a problem which they hide, keep asking. One day they might be ready to confide in you, or they might need your help and are too proud to ask. People try to hide their illness or disability for several reasons. One, like mine, was fear of being seen as unfit for work and losing their job. Another is a similar fear, that of fear of disability discrimination. People who are ill or disabled don’t want to be seen as different or want special treatment – or to be ridiculed. Illness and disability are beyond our control, yet are seen by some as signs of weakness. Let me tell you that sick and disabled people are some of the strongest people I have ever met – they have to be, just to get through the day and they shouldn’t have to hide their suffering.

“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”  Greta Garbo

Mental illness – and in that I include depression, anxiety etc. – also comes with the need for a mask to hide you against the fear of ridicule, of nobody understanding what is wrong when you are too ill to even express it; of being thought as weak-minded, and worst of all is the fear not being in control and being forever lost in yourself. Enough to bear without having to hide that you are even ill and need help.  Gone are the days when a person with a mental illness was abandoned by their family, spoken about in hushed voices, hidden in the attic or locked in a gothic institution and forgotten about!  Yet sadly, the stigma of mental illness remains, despite the increase in publicity, accurate diagnosis and successful treatment. ANYONE might suffer from depression or anxiety at any time in their life. It is one of those hidden disabilities, a fact of like any other illness which needs to be talked about, acknowledged, accepted and dealt with. It is certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

“I thought by masking the depression with silence, the feelings might disappear.”
Sharon E. Rainey, Making a Pearl from the Grit of Life

Are those that are deemed ‘different’ even the ones that should be wearing masks? To my mind, those ‘upstanding citizens’ that discriminate against people are the ones that should hide their faces. The ‘namers’, the ‘shamers’ the ‘finger pointers’ and ‘warmongers’. The people that shun others because they don’t conform to their image of normality.  They wear a mask of hypocrisy and hide behind a veil of respectability in their glass houses. The ones who won’t allow their child to play with a child of a certain colour, race or religion, or with a disabled child or a child with two mothers or two fathers. Those who allow their children to bully others; those who teach their child to hate. That, to me, is what is not normal. They are the danger to our world.

“No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”  Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom

Those who discriminate against others are the ones that wear the saddest mask of all – the one they use to hide their ugly souls. Remove their masks and they will fall apart, because inside it they are the weak ones, the cowards; the ones who seek safety in numbers in the name of their distorted view of what is acceptable. They need to be named and shamed. Take off their masks; show their faces, let us see what and who they are and like vampires in the sunlight, they will probably run away and crumble to dust.

“And there’s a cold lonely light that shines from you
You’ll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use” Elton John

So where does that leave us? To wear our masks or throw them away?   I say it’s the other people that have the problem. With or without my mask, I’m with Freddie!

‘I’ll face it with a grin; I’m never giving in –  On with the show …’

‘The Show Must Go On’ – by Queen.

© Alyson Mountjoy

More Questions Than Answers

I am by nature a researcher. My degree result left me 3 marks short of the required grade to enable me to pursue this inclination professionally. Despite the spirited endeavours of my senior lecturer, in attempting to persuade the exam board that I was totally worthy of those 3 marks, the result stood. However, undaunted, I have applied this predisposition to all areas of the rest of my life. It is not only a preference to seek out information and find answers, but it is also my way of coping. Knowledge is power.

As I have already mentioned in previous blogs, I wasn’t blessed with good health. Unfortunately this has led from one thing to another over the past few years. I will spare you the gory details, but suffice to say that the terms ‘chronic, disabling and lifelong’ apply. But it isn’t a problem all of the time. I suffer with those intermittent interferences called ‘flare-ups’ that appear like a bolt out of the blue, totally throw everything into mayhem for a few weeks or months, then vanish as if by magic, leaving a residue of  (what I thought were) lesser ailments in their wake. I will call them monsters and minions. I have had less of these bombshell events in the past few years and, for the most part, I thought I was doing well, after trying a new medication. It made me realise that I didn’t know how sick I really was until I was better and friends were telling me how they didn’t realise how much of me they had lost until I was back to my normal self!

I have to have regular tests to keep these monsters and minions in check. Interesting isn’t it how you don’t know you were worried till you’re not? Usually the results show a general level of malaise, with the only explanation being that it is linked to my ‘major monster.’ I usually get my results, note the repeated worsening of the minions, accept the platitudes and move on, knowing that monsters and minions are for the most part kept in check by my medication. Recently however these lesser ailments have decided that they wish to have full-blown, in your face, pain-in-the-backside status –  and they brought new friends. As much as I totally appreciate their need not to be side-lined, I’m a bit annoyed that they decide to crave attention like this when I have so much other stuff going on – like the minor consideration that is my life!

When you have a chronic disabling condition (or 3) you can have bad days, very bad days. There is pain, there is other stuff. The monsters are constantly trying to beat you down while the minions laugh in the wings. What do you do, lie there and feel sorry for yourself or fight it? Mostly I fight it, but I’m not ashamed to admit that I have the odd day when I can’t do anything but curl up in a ball of self-pity and cry – and that’s OK too, because crying is healing. But I never let it last more than a day. Then I pick myself up and carry on researching. That’s how I regain control. I do appreciate that there are a lot of people much worse off than me and that shaking off those feelings isn’t easy and it often helps to talk to people in the same position. There are many online groups covering every disease and disability and if the first one doesn’t work out, you can just try another one! Long-term illness and disability can lead to depression and anxiety over the future, money worries, or fears about going out (whether over mobility issues or being taken ill while away from home). These feelings must not be under-estimated. I would urge anyone who experiences feeling like that for more than a few days to seek help, by seeing your GP to request counselling or other means of support or via organisations like Mind. Any sort of mental health issues, including depression and anxiety, are just as valid as any other medical condition and need the same level of care and treatment.  You don’t have to suffer alone.

Back to the story: to cut a long story short, I felt worse and I knew that it wasn’t the usual ‘worseness’ that comes with a flare-up of the monster events. So I did what I do, I researched, as much as I could. Fore-warned is fore-armed, so I usually cope by going to the worst case scenario and working back. Worst case scenario is always Death and anything less is a bonus. I have looked him square in the eye on several occasions and come to terms with the prospect. It holds no fear for me, we must all die, but what is more important is how we live. Death is my friend, but I still would rather not meet this friend any time soon.  When my time comes you can bet that I will be sticking closely to the advice of Dylan Thomas, when he wrote

‘Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light’.

So I came to the conclusion from all this research (and Death facing) that I wished to be tested for a certain condition that fitted my symptoms. My husband thinks that doctors have all the answers although mine weren’t giving me any, and that self-diagnosis is a waste of time. My daughter describes it as ‘Wiki-chondria’ – hypochondria prompted by too much time on Wikipedia! For many people I’m sure that might be true; they say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. But I know my own body, I know what’s wrong with me and how it presents itself, so when something doesn’t feel right and is getting worse every day and I need answers; and as my regular readers, family and friends all know, I always trust my instincts.

So I went to my GP, giving him my reasons. He looked at me as if I had 2 heads, in that supercilious ‘Wiki-chondria’ way, but agreed to do the test. The day the results landed on his desk I had a call from the surgery to go in the next day and lo and behold I was right. That condition AND another one showed up – both had been tested for several times before but never made an appearance on the big stage.  My two new attention-seeking minions explained all my worsening symptoms. My research may have raised more questions than answers, more ways in which the conditions I suffer from might inter-relate with each other, causing me more sickness and misery. But finally I know, that the answers I find, will mean that what I have will be managed better and I will be a step closer to feeling well – even if that means taking a bucketful of pills a day for the rest of my life and looking like a pin cushion from all the blood tests and injections. Unfortunately some of the conditions I suffer from have a hereditary link and I feel terrible about the possibility that I might have unwittingly inflicted any of them on my children. But I know that they have definitely inherited my resilience, stubbornness and fighting spirit, and they will always have me in their corner to fight their monsters with them.

‘The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.’ Albert Einstein

So my point is this – if you feel something isn’t right, if you’re not happy with a diagnosis or if things get worse, keep looking for answers. Keep researching and asking questions. Keep making the doctors roll their eyes skywards and pray for quiet patients, because that is the only way to get things done. It is your life and your right to have the best quality of life and the best quality of medical care. If you find there are more questions than answers, keep looking until they are all answered. If you can’t answer them, find someone who can – ask for a referral to a specialist because GPs, as wonderful as they are, they are a jack of all trades and master of none. Empower yourself and take back control of your health. I’m not saying that you should ever ignore what a doctor says, but if it doesn’t cover all the bases, request an expert and keep looking. Trust your body and trust your instincts. And when you finally get to meet my friend Death, give him the biggest fight he ever had – and if you get there before me, tell him I said hello!

© Alyson Mountjoy

You can’t always get what you want

‘You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well you just might find
You get what you need’ – The Rolling Stones.

In these days of plenty in many countries, it’s hard to believe sometimes that there are countries where people don’t have food or clean water. Even in our own country, poverty is rife, child poverty is growing and homelessness becomes more of a threat every day, due to the economic downturn that has damaged the very fabric of our society. How hard is it then to prioritise anything but survival and is that a bad thing? How many of us have more than we really need and what should we prioritise?

My own priorities have changed over the years. When I was little, my focus was naturally myself – whatever I wanted. As I grew and realised that there were others to consider, the circle of importance spread out to include my parents, then my friends and my cat. (I always wanted a cat and since owning the first one, I would now never be without one). Later came the lure of romantic partners and the need to prioritise them; then almost before I realised it was happening, I had a husband. My priorities were then to have a fairy-tale life, to earn money, to make a beautiful home. In my naivety I used to think that if you worked hard, somehow everything you wanted would magically turn out well; I soon realised that real life isn’t like that.

But the moment my daughter was born, she became the centre of my world. Nothing prepares you for the sheer joy and terror of motherhood, the guilt that comes with every sniffle; the need to solve every problem and make sure that nothing ever hurts that precious little person and if it does, of course you feel like you must have done something wrong. But the unadulterated happiness that they bring is worth every second of it. Later on, after a timely divorce and finding a wonderful new husband, my beautiful daughter was joined by a handsome son and that core focus was doubled – twice the joy and twice the worry, but also twice the love and precious moments. My children are blessed with different gifts, but despite their own personal challenges, they are both always ready to share their kindness, their loyalty, their empathy and warmth  – and their creativity. They are very alike,  but in some ways so different, yet in their shared uniqueness, they are also both fragile and fearless.

I’ve never wanted much in life; my priorities now are pretty much what they were when I was younger. But now my focus is on what I need, not what I want, although these days they amount to the same thing. I like nice things like everyone else, but I’ve come to realise that I don’t need them.  My needs are simple – my family, my friends, my pets and a roof over my head; food on the table, fuel to keep us warm and electricity for my laptop! Good health is something I’m still struggling with, although it is one of my greatest needs, but it has eluded me since birth, so I haven’t really lost anything. In short, today I am happy, because for now I have enough of all these things, enough of what I need to sustain me and more than enough love in my life for several lifetimes. Any gift I receive is treasured because it was given with love, but it is the love that I treasure more. If I lost all my possessions, I would carry that love with me – my memories are full of it. Sadness comes with loss, and I have suffered the loss of loved ones like everyone else – but someone remembered can never really die, because love never dies.

Sometimes in life we waste our time seeking to possess things that we don’t really need and, in the effort of that search, we can lose what’s important, that which we already have. So be careful what you wish for. The one wish that I have for you is simple. It is one that you might have seen embellished in several different quotes and verses, one reported to be Chinese, another Irish. But the basic meaning is the same. I wish you what I have: I wish you enough – it’s all you will ever need.

© Alyson Mountjoy

Life is like a rollercoaster

“Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs…but it’s your choice to either scream or enjoy the ride.” Author unknown.

I think it might be because of my age, or the result of a life that has been at times rather accidental in its development, but recently I have been contemplating the fact that life is, by its nature, temporary. The reason for this will become obvious as I ramble on…

I have had my share of ups and downs in life and I must admit that I have rather enjoyed the ride, I have no regrets because even the bad bits have taught me something, led me in new and interesting directions and made me a bit wiser from the journey. My inclination has always been to live my life more by instinct than design. Part of this came from my Dad, who had a tendency to wander at will. After he retired, he would leave the house in the morning to buy a newspaper and arrive home 5 hours later, having gone where the mood took him. My Mum always said she thought he had a gypsy spirit and I think I do too!

There are two main reasons for my reticence towards planning.

Firstly I am a person who believes very strongly that you should always follow your instincts and mine have never led me far wrong. Even if the reason hasn’t been immediately obvious, circumstances have always shown me that I was right all along. This may be partly because I always see the ‘up’ side to everything, the silver lining – every situation has one if you look for it.  Also in part this might be due to sheer dumb luck, or it might be fate, that my instincts were making me follow my own destiny, one of which I wasn’t aware. I have often had the feeling that life has led me to people that I needed for some reason, for however brief a time. Also my journey has led me to places where I felt I was meant to be, putting me in the right place at the right time, so to speak.

Secondly, I have found that whenever I plan things, circumstances conspire to destroy my plans, set obstacles in my path and pull the rug out from under me.

So I tend to avoid planning and ‘go with the flow’, trust my inner voice and be open to whatever opportunities that life throws my way. If it feels wrong, I avoid it like the plague, but if it feels right, I go for it, all in, 100%. “No point doing anything by halves,” my dear late Mum used to say and “If a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well!” I suspect that I inherited that view from her.

With the sort of life I have led, nothing (apart for my love for the important people in my life) seems to have lasted all that long. When you are a creature of instinct, how can it? But in life in general when I think about it, nothing truly lasts, does it? Let’s take the weather – it is changeable. I have never seen weather as truly changeable as where I live. We might have sunshine, rain, hail, snow and rainbows all in the space of an hour or two, and that is one thing I love about living in a beautiful Welsh valley. I can spend ages just watching the clouds! Seasons will come and go with regularity. Within a year there is a myriad of changes in light and shade, trees and plants are colourful then starkly unadorned. Heat and cold; fire and ice – all within a matter of weeks. Rivers rise and fall, tides ebb and flow. The faces of the moon follow the same cycle and the sun sits there while the earth runs its daily course around the sky. We are powerless to stop any of it, or make it stay the same and we would be wrong to try, because that is how it needs to be.

People don’t stay the same either. Looking at the famous seven stages of man speech from Shakespeare’s ‘As You Like It’:

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.”

From cradle to grave we are constantly changing and each stage has its challenges. The child strives to do things that the bigger kids do, ignorant of the simplicity of life and sense of wonder that they have and which adults crave to have again. The teenager can’t wait to reach adulthood, with all its perceived freedoms and no clue of the inherent responsibilities. The adult is rushing from one day to another, looking for love, seeking money and fame, searching to make a better future. They might become parents and the cycle begins again. But they might easily forget to enjoy what they have now. There are good things and bad aspects to all of it, but in rushing from one stage to another, from one goal to another we may often forget to appreciate what we already have.  If it is good, hold onto it – you never know when it will be taken away. Life can literally turn on a dime and what you think is solid and secure can be swept from you. Your loved ones, your job, your home. The homeless person on the street didn’t start out like that; circumstances – maybe bad luck or bad choices – came and dragged them from their life. That could happen to anyone, through no fault of their own. But if something in your life is bad, there is always a chance, come tomorrow that “This too shall pass”. I personally try to live each day as if it was my last, cherishing what I have and those I hold dear and hoping that tomorrow they will still be there, that the bad things in my life might get better and that nothing worse will come to replace them. You need to live your life with your eyes open but also with your heart full of hope.

“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” Thich Nhat Hanh.

We also take our health for granted when we are young – we feel we are invincible and we will live forever. As we age we are plagued by illness, then if we’re lucky, we may get well again. The illness is a temporary condition. But then we might get worse or another sickness may befall us. It may go away for good or leave us with the remnants of weakness in some way. Some conditions may be long-lasting or chronic and our lives are changed forever. We lose control and feel powerless. But we can learn to live with it, we can adapt and progress, become someone slightly different. Maybe we feel that we are less in some ways, but better in others. But living one day at a time means that, at any one point, one day is all we have to deal with, just one day to get through. And that makes it manageable.

To me there are two choices in life. You can ride that rollercoaster and look forward to the climb to the top and enjoying the thrill of the ride, eyes wide open and aware that you may well hit rock bottom, but at the same time ready to do your best to climb up again, enjoy the view and get ready for the next time you fall. Or you can scream blue murder, get off the rollercoaster that is life and wait to die on a straight road to nowhere, surrounded by a cloud of negativity. Personally I’m stubborn; I will fight every day to overcome the obstacles I face and to help others to face theirs. I will ride that rollercoaster and enjoy every minute. Because that’s what it means to be truly alive. I will live with hope, because I know that tomorrow morning, regardless of what I do, the sun WILL come up, the weather will change, the seasons will pass. That new day might bring me something special, something magical – a new opportunity to take me wherever my instincts lead me. And if it doesn’t, there is always the day after that.

© Alyson Mountjoy

I have a dream

 A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Lao-Tzu – The Way of Lao-tzu

This is a common quotation seen in motivational posters all over the internet and beyond. On the surface, this seems simple and logical, doesn’t it? But what does it really mean?

The message appears to be that if you want to achieve something you need to get started. All the thinking and planning in the world means nothing until you begin your journey. But if you consider the more literal translation from the original Chinese, it states that, “The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one’s feet”, meaning that wherever you are, that is where your journey starts. Lao-Tzu believed that action is a natural progression from stillness. However you look at it, I believe it to mean that your future is in your own hands. The choices are yours to make, yours to control. What you want to do or where you’re going, how you get there, if or when you make that first step, who goes with you on your journey, why you make that journey or start that task – these are all up to you, as is the choice to stay exactly where you are.

A decision not to do something is as valid as choosing to do something, if it is made consciously and carefully and not just arising out of inertia, or laziness. Inaction is in itself an action, when it is a born out of a conscious decision. Playing it safe and not doing anything is also a valid choice, if you have considered your options. If your life is as you want it to be, that is a rare gift; sit back and enjoy it. But if it isn’t, don’t be afraid to change it.

Sometimes inability to progress, to step forward, to start a new journey, may be beyond your control.  Maybe you want to make a trip or start a business, but you don’t have enough money yet, the time isn’t right, your health isn’t good, a chosen companion has other commitments – these are all reasons to wait. But so are lack of self-confidence and fear of the unknown. You might feel you need to be in the right mood, have the right mind-set. Things could go wrong, you could fail in your task, but isn’t it better to try than live in fear of ‘The Unknown’?  Yet ‘The Unknown’ may not necessarily be a bad thing. It might be great, beautiful and so much better than you ever dreamed! But you won’t know till you try…

Problems can be overcome – don’t give up on your dreams because of temporary delays. If you need money, wait till you can save up, or obtain other funding. If you haven’t the skills for the task at hand, learn them, or find someone to help you who already has them. If your health is the problem, wait until you are well enough and use the time to fine-tune your plans. But keep that dream alive as your goal, a reason to get well.

One day the time will be right; be open to what is around you and seize that opportunity when it presents itself.  Don’t be afraid of change – it may surprise you. What is in your heart, what you hold as your dream, is there for a reason.  Be confident in your own choices and capabilities – you might surprise yourself! Then when everything is ready, take that first step.

If what you chose to do turns out badly, that’s OK too. Equally, if you decide to abandon that dream in search of a new one, that is your choice.  Just pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes and start a new journey. We aren’t limited to one life goal, one dream – the possibilities are endless. A journey of a thousand miles might take you to a thousand different places. Enjoy the ride!

© Alyson Mountjoy

WELCOME

Welcome to my blog! From time to time I wil be posting a variety of images and reflections – thoughts and ramblings about myself and my life, or things I would like to share. I welcome your comments and feedback! Thanks to my husband, photographer Kevin Mountjoy, for the photograph that provides the header to these pages!